METAL FOR YOUR GYM EAR: HESSIAN A.D.

Hessian. This band is pretty much not known by many unless you’re super “in-the-know” like High Defamation or a hoarder of anything hard to find. They’re from Belgium, and basically have spent the last few years doing god knows what because they’re not on my speed dial. However, when there album _______ was released I had a hard time finding it. And then I straight up forgot about it. Maybe because they up and changed their name on me.

I feel like I should jump off a bridge for forgetting about it. But better late than never with a “How Did I Forget About This?” review right? Let’s run the gauntlet then shall we?

Hessian is what Ulcerate would sound like after they’ve had their morning coffee. And once they have their morning coffee, they blow up their neighbor’s house and pay for the funeral expenses. Hessian produces more evil in one hour than Dick Cheney did in his whole life. If you look up “heavy” in the dictionary, Hessian would hit you in the back of the head with a hammer before you had a chance to finish reading it. Hessian is so destructive; NASA is considering using this album to blow up any comets on a trajectory towards Earth. Everyone who tries stage diving at a Hessian show during the song “Hollow Eyes” hasn’t been heard of since…as they imploded mid-air.

They got a bandcamp. Download this you Crusty Gremlins you!

http://hessiansl.bandcamp.com/album/manegarmr

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