FUEL FOR THE FIRE: THE MOUTH GARLIC-ING WHAT YOU’VE BLED

Garlic is magical.

There is no other way to phrase it. It’s straight up, wizard hat, cast a spell, magical. It is the member of the onion family that the chives and leek get jealous of for being the gifted kid. While Chives and Leeks were going to community colleges, Garlic graduated Yale at age 5.

Yes, Garlic is in the same family as Onions, Chives, Leeks and other things your kid hates to eat. But Garlic is so power packed with health benefits, Republicans think it’s an Obama Administration agenda. The Allyl Sulfide Compounds (SCIENCE!) are produced when you crush the clove or chop it up. The chemical reactions stink up the joint with the wonderful garlic smells of magic, giving most of your Italian neighbors the illusion that you’re “abouta mayka gooda sauce-ah!”. But really you can put it in most anything, from salads to dressings, to pasta to Asian dishes. Even better, these compounds can handle the heat of cooking as well. Or freeze it. Compounds. Still intact. Fucking magic I tell you.

And this is magic that major civilizations have known about since before Betty White was born. Egyptians, Babylonians, Greeks, Romans and countless others civilizations depended on garlic to fix a slew of health concerns. Still works today too. Without the weird side effects. Studies have shown that if you get sick, eating fresh garlic can fight it off and boost your immune system.

The nutritional makeup of garlic is pretty badass too. It has more vitamins than a GNC store yet barely any calories and without the bro at the counter. B6, C, Selenium, Manganese in super high amounts. Mark that down. You need those.

And guys, I’m speaking to you right now. Garlic boosts your T. As in TESTOSTERONE!. It helps lower your cortisol levels and that’s good because when you’re stressed, your desire for sex isn’t so “stiff” if you catch my drift. Put some garlic in your diet and the ladies will come running, even if they need to spray you with odor killer first.

And much like Coconut Oil Garlic is a non-stop bulldozer of health positives. Do you wanna reduce your blood pressure? Garlic is your homeboy. What about Cholesterol Levels? Garlic is all “get that shit out of here!” Garlic knocks on your door and hands you some “antioxidants to help prevent Dementia” whenever it wants. Need to get your swole on? Garlic can help with athletic fatigue and work load. It could even probably spot you on a bench press. Do you like heavy metal in your ear but not in your body? Garlic stomps out heavy metals in your system like the PMRC in the 1980’s.

On top of all that, it makes everything not breakfast cereal, taste awesome. Sure you might smell bad and piss off whoever you’re sleeping with due to the smelly sweat, but they’ve probably smelled worse and seen your morning face too. So get over it, go get some garlic and try the below recipe for Badass Roasted Garlic!

How to Roast Garlic in the Oven

What You Need

Ingredients
1 or more heads of garlic
Olive oil

Equipment
Knife
Aluminum foil

Instructions
Heat the oven to 400°F: Set a rack in the middle position.

Peel (most of) the paper off the garlic: Use your fingers to peel away all the loose, papery, outer layers around the head of garlic. Leave the head itself intact with all the cloves connected.

Trim the top off the head of garlic: Trim about 1/4 inch off the top of the head of garlic to expose the tops of the garlic cloves.

Drizzle with olive oil: Drizzle 1 to 2 teaspoons of olive oil over the exposed surface of the garlic, letting the oil sink down into the cloves.

Wrap in foil and bake: Wrap the garlic aluminum foil and roast in the oven for 40 minutes.

Begin checking the garlic: After 40 minutes, begin checking the garlic. The garlic is done when a center clove is completely soft when pierced with a paring knife. Even once soft, you can continue roasting until deeply golden for a more caramelized flavor — check the garlic every 10 minutes. Exact roasting time will depend on the size of your garlic, the variety, and its age.

Use or store the garlic: Let the garlic cool slightly, and then serve. Press on the bottom of a clove to push it out of its paper. Roasted garlic can also be refrigerated for up to 2 weeks or frozen for up to 3 months.

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